I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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