oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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