The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
