i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im holly from the hills drunk
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
