i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
