everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
