Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
