i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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