You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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