Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
