i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
