I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
