is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
