Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
