so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
