It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
