His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
