Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
