kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
