how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
