Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
