My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
