i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
