The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
