You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
