Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
vagina is talking i cant
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
