I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
