Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
