i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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