On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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