Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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