He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
