I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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