If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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