the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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