I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
last night I used snow as a chaser
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
