Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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