her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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