you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
