Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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