if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
