If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
