I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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