Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
