Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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