I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
