apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
