i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
