that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh god it's open bar.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
