Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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