Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
