I hate your face
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
