I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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