there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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