You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
