We're facebook friends in real life
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
