My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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